9:32 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 16, 2009
love.. huh
this is so stupid. I should be over it completely by now. its been a few days and im still alittle sad. nothing crazy. just a little bit. and i dont get y. I know its over and i accept that but damn why still sad. I refuse to be. I still just want him to hold me and be next to me. WRap his arms around me and lay my head on his chest. And how he is having some situations and i cant help. but he will be ok. So i am worried but not as much. The funny thing is i have turned sex quite a few times since or while being single. and its because i dont want them. They are not good enough and i dont care about them. God im a retard. And there is nothing wrong with them other than i just dont want them. and i want someone else. No my heart is not broken nor am i crying or weeping or moping. But i miss us. I miss knowing i get to see him and be close. LAst time when i e sometihng important in his life... someone who would always be his. No one could have taken that away but him. Love is sometihng so important to have in life. If you love that person and they love u back and theres a chance... y not take it. In some things i am cautious in. But when it comes to love I alway go for it... and try try try. I dont hestiatate. Iknow the choices and have a idea of how things go but there is something u cant figure out.. is that love puts so much into life.I am always willing to fight for love. For the peron i love. I thought he would have to. I thought that our love was something special. I could find someone else i know this. he could find someone better than me. I guess im not the greatest girlfriend.. but we have something. Something i didn want to give up on so soon. I try not to ask to much from him only to be with me and love me. Plus im not a quitter. but i have to be because he deicded on other reasons to. when two people love each other thats something special i thought we had something special. Something that was gonna be around for ahwile. I dont like to admit alot of thigns cause i know how life is and how it can turn out. But i thought we had it its not all gonna be easy.. i accept that fact and keep going. being in a relationship will never be complelty easy. If it was more people would stay together. I saw good there... i know we started to fight but it got better just have to give it time. I am an idoitic for loving someone. Thats what my mind is telline me.. my heart is saying other things. I go with my heart. but what do i know i was the one who got dumped. All i know is that love is something wonderful.. and if two people are lucky enough to share it and feel it.. then go for it. Give it everytihng you have. Time doesnt matter nor where u call home. And we could have made it. life is funny. maybe things will change maybe not.
