12:58 p.m. - Friday, Sept. 08, 2006
what esle do i got?
so its time for an entry. cause now i have soemthing to say. this guy, jorge. i like him. and spent the past 4-5 months hanging out. and for the past couple of months im a regular in his bed. i know he still had feelings for his ex. and i was more or less the rebound. but it still hurts to know that somene u like doesnt want u. whne there ex comes around saying that they want to live with u and they go screaming into the night with delight yeah it really does. to know that u were so easliy tossed out the window. it feels like a break up. we werent dating. and i didn want it date. but still i kind of opened myself up and now im getting shot down. cause im not hwat they wanted..im not who they wanted. and im happy for him that he gets to be with the person he loves..and that she wants to be with him too. but damn i spent everynight over there...and i get the shitty end of the stick. im the one who gets to fade into the background and pretend it doesnt hurt to know u were so easliy to let go. this is y i dont want ot date. knowing that one day the can jsut say hey i dont want u anymore. and then i think if i was skinner or more this or less that it would change things. he made the point of there being so many guys arond me. yea and? u dont understand how hard it is for me to find a guy i want to be with. im so picky. i feel like i have no one now. i dont want to be at home...its nice and everything. but i dont want to be here. i want my own place. now that my car is not working that cant happen either. so now im trying to get a new car. and that wont happen. i might end up getting that oldsmible. its cheap. y not. atleast i can drive. i wanna cry. i wanna call my e travis and cry on his shoulder and him hold me and tell me everything is alright. but hes not. and thats all i want is someone who is there for me. and i dont have that. i have friends who are too far away or too busy with there b/f or work. so what esle am i going to do? go to work. come on and be pathetic. y not. all the things he said about her are the things i want somene to say about me. that he doesnt even look at another chick the same as whne hes with her. that she makes want to do better. thats the reason y he has does all this changing. save money and better job...it was for her. i wished it was for me. but its not. i wish smeone felt like that for me. but they dont.now i have ot go get ready to work my other job.
