10:18 p.m. - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2006
i cant hide my sexual life
so yesterday after getting all dressed up and waiting for like forever me and travis finlly got a v-day that was good. all i can say is that i have no idea as to what im doing.i know i love him there is no doubt about that. its just i kind of want it to be like it was but w/out the drugs and not having my friends. w/out being sucked up in each other thats theres no room for anything esle. and right now things are good for me. i say when,where, what, or even who. total freedom. and i see dating ad the chain and bail....but i wantthe companionship. someone to love and cuddle, and have sex with. but that tittle b/f or more scares me. we ate..well i ate. then went to walmart and went goodie shopping joked around. just hanging out and i enjoyed that. but i think i want to take things slow...real slow. i mean i have alot fo think about. i have this new world of oppuntuntiy opening up to me. new guys to meet. do i really want to shut the door and be for one guy? well for travis..i would. i dont want to date but if he asked...for real..i would.but wheres that fire..that passion i have. thats what scares me..is that lack of it. but i did look good last night. i look like a different person sometimes. when i get all dressed up. im just so confused. he always does this to me. he likes a drug to me soemtimes. i just want love....w/out all the baggage. somone who i can cuddle with and then be ok if i dont call for a couple of days u know. chill laid back. i dont maybe im jsut scared and getting cold feet. cause i know what will happen what can happen if me and him get back together.im just itred long day at work. running out of appectable clothes for them. feet hurt and i hate gift cards!!!! so yeah. blah. i guess no one will give me any advice. no one ever does. even though i asking for it!!! (hint,hint). someone give me soemthing to go on. please!!!!
